


Strip Club

by JazzyKatz



Category: South Park
Genre: #stopclydeabuse, M/M, Strippers & Strip Clubs, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 19:51:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17904518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazzyKatz/pseuds/JazzyKatz
Summary: As Clyde’s best man, it's up to Craig to make his bachelor party memorable.So he does exactly that.





	Strip Club

**Author's Note:**

> I had fun and you can tell.

Craig didn’t know about the strip club in the first place. He heard it from Wendy, who was talking about it to Bebe. They were planning on doing it for the Bachelorette party. Don’t ask why Craig was listening in on their plans for that night, because fuck you. The place was called RainBlow, a specifically male strip club that was popular with about-to-be married women and gay men alike. Craig knew that this was the perfect place to take Clyde for his own Bachelor Party, because Craig was his best man, and as his best man, it was his job to make sure Clyde was scarred for life before marrying Bebe Stevens.

 

He knew exactly what to do.

 

* * *

 

“Why aren’t you telling me where we’re going?” Clyde asked his best friend for the fifth time that day, anxious and aware that Craig had promised him a grand blow-out party complete with strippers. The promise of seeing tits at the end of the night had him ready and rearing, practically bouncing in his seat while Craig drove the van. Tweek was twitching in the back seat between Jimmy and Token, nursing a travel mug of coffee. He had gotten better over the years, but car rides still gave him anxiety.

 

They were just twenty miles from Los Angeles, their end-trip on their best-buddy road excursion that ended with a bang at Clyde’s last hurrah.

 

“J-just tell him the name, man. Just TELL him!” Tweek said in a high-pitched voice, “If he keeps asking I swear I’m gonna dump my coffee on his balls.”

 

Token was also getting rather annoyed at the secrecy, mostly because he knew how Clyde could be. “How many strip clubs are there in LA, dude? Where did you hear about it to begin with? Yelp?”

 

Jimmy wasn’t really bothered, actually amused by the whole thing, “I think it’s c-c-c-c-c-cool that Craig is keeping it so tight l-li-liii-lipped. Gives us antici—anticipa—anticipaa—anticipaaaa—something to prepare for!”

 

Clyde folded his arms irritably, huffing like he was ten years old again and not getting his way. “I hate surprises, you never know what’s going to happen!” He argued. “Craig, _please_ tell us where we’re going. I’ll pay for your lap dances if I have to!”

 

A grin formed on Craig’s face when he heard that, a knowing grin that was filled with dark amusement. “No, you better save all those lap dances for yourself. I’m buying tonight, party king.”

 

That promise seemed to lighten Clyde’s mood and he formed a small grin, relaxing in his seat for the rest of the drive. It took them twenty minutes to get further into LA, all the while rock music was blaring over the speakers and Clyde was singing off-key to everything. Tweek was covering his ears while Token tried to sing with Clyde with his own smooth voice. Craig wasn’t even bothered, because tonight was going to be worth bearing his best friend for the entire time. His mind was already planning out the night. How he was going to sit Clyde up front and center, pay the sexiest man there to give his best friend a fantastic and humiliating lap dance and enjoy the show with a sly grin and a white Russian in his hand. He was going to give Clyde what he deserved for being Craig’s best friend for the past twenty-four years, and his friends are going to be the witnesses.

 

“We’re almost there.” Craig said to them in his signature monotone as he took an exit into the city. Clyde was bouncing in his seat, dreaming of hot chicks with equally hot tits while Tweek had a feeling that tonight was going to be something else entirely. Because out of all of Craig’s friends, Tweek _knew_ Craig. They had dated briefly, and Tweek knew specifically how much of an ass Craig could be on a good day. Today seemed like a really _good_ day. The blonde twitched nervously, but kept his mouth shut. No matter how much of an ass Craig was, it always came with fantastic results when he decided to target someone he loved. Craig dished it out worse to his friends than to his mortal enemies, because it meant that Craig was actually putting in the effort to do something truly heinous. Craig only put in effort to people he gave a shit about, and the rest mostly got a kick to the balls or the finger.

 

Token and Jimmy weren’t stupid as well, they knew something was up when Craig was actually in a good mood, and while Jimmy was keen to see what was in store for Clyde, Token just hoped it was something that wasn’t like last time. The last time was graduation when Craig talked Clyde into wearing nothing under his graduation robes, only to ‘accidentally’ glue his chair before Clyde sat on it. Everyone had a laugh on that day, and it was worth knowing that Clyde had flashed the entire student body on his last day of being a highschooler.

 

The only one unaware was Clyde, bless him. He was too trusting to be Craig Tucker’s best friend. He always assumed Craig wouldn’t stoop so low a fifteenth time. Especially now since Craig was his honored best man at his wedding. Even Craig wouldn’t be a dick to him as his best man, right? It was like a sacred pact for bros.

 

The closer they got to the club the more realization dawned on the faces of Jimmy, Token and Tweek, seeing the faraway rainbow light that announced “RainBlow”. There was already a line, full of twenty-something women and hot young men, all conversing with each other as they waited to be let in. Clyde’s own realization was clouded by the women surrounding this stripper club, enough to say aloud, “Boy we must be in the heavy lesbian part of Los Angeles.” The comment earned him some weird looks, but he shrugged it off lightly.

 

Tweek bit on his fist to hold back a sudden laugh as Token and Jimmy exchanged cool grins. Craig only smiled, which wasn’t a good sign for anyone. “They’re all here for the show, Clyde.” He put his hands on Clyde’s shoulders to usher him down the line, flashing his ID for the doorman while the others did the same. The five of them were led further inside by Craig ushering Clyde along the way, the man of honor catching the eyes of a well-stacked waitress and winking at her slyly, unbeknownst that it was actually a man in drag.

 

Craig settled them down at a reserved table that read out “Donovan Party”, it was placed in the center, next to the main stage where the action was to take place. There were already a crowd of women hovering around the stage, eager to catch a glimpse of the dancers. The lights were still low and everyone was filing in, waitresses arriving at tables to take down orders. Clyde grinned as he ordered his own martini, and Tweek twitched as he ordered a Kahlua and coffee, Token taking a glass of white wine, and Craig with his White Russian.

 

The music began to fade in suddenly after the men got their respective drinks, and a man stepped out from behind the black curtains, grinning. He was dressed in a low-riding pair of jeans and just a vest without a shirt. Clyde blinked confusedly as the women began to scream out, ready for their own party to start. The man was very handsome, if one was into men, red hair tied back into a braid and a dazzling smile behind brown eyes. “Are you all pretty thirsty tonight?” He asked the crowd in an Irish accent, earning more enthusiastic cheers from the crowd. “I’m pretty parched myself. Before we start off the show I’d like to call attention to tonight’s special VIP guests.”

 

A spotlight found its way to Clyde’s table, and Craig grinned as Clyde reacted like Craig thought he would, standing up from the attention and blowing a kiss.

 

“Tonight we’re celebrating a man’s final night of passion before he goes marching down the aisle, give a round of applause to the Donovan party! The special guest of honor will be receiving a special lap dance tonight by our own star of the club, Valentino.”

 

The name made the women go crazy, which was actually a sight. Craig never seen women go this crazy over something before, and he noticed that Tweek cried out when they did, his jitters driving him to slam his drink to take the edge off.

 

“Jesus!”

 

Clyde wasn’t sure of what to think, because Valentino didn’t sound like a chick’s name at all. He looked at Craig, who was just watching calmly with a grin. “Valentino sounds like a dude.” He said over the building music.

 

Jimmy began to laugh and Token finally shook his head, but Craig’s grin grew wider. Clyde was starting to catch on the more the music became louder, his eyebrows shooting up into his hair as he stared at Craig alarmingly, “You—you didn’t—you wouldn’t, did you just bring me to—“

 

“Presenting, Valentino!” The man stepped away, from the stage as the music blared over the women screaming, a lithe but muscular blonde man stepping out from behind the curtain, wearing a thin black mask across his eyes, which dazzled blue. He was well toned, wearing tight black leather pants and nothing else. He swayed his hips teasingly to rile up the crowd, grinning as he set his sights on the guest of honor.

 

Clyde was surely having a stroke by now, grabbing Craig’s arm and ready to scream, “You took me to a gay stripper club!”

 

Jimmy let out a bark of laughter when Tweek couldn’t hold in his drink, almost spitting it out from his own urge to laugh. Clyde glared at them as if they were traitors, freaking the fuck out because he was a straight man with a female fiancee with great tits and a even better ass and he was straighter than a rail. There was no way in hell that he would even swing that way, and the closer Valentino got towards the table the more Clyde was having an existential crisis over the fact that a dude was going to grind his ass into his lap.

 

“I made sure to pay for extra, just for you. You’re the man of the hour tonight.” Craig winked at him, looking like a demonic entity that was getting his rocks off from seeing his friend’s soul leave his body. Clyde froze up in his seat when Valentino was right before them, grinning like a devil himself and eying Clyde like he was a piece of candy. The roar of the crowd was the last thing on their minds, and Valentino began to dance to the rhythm of the music, gyrating his hips in a way that made women go crazy before he straddled Clyde in his own chair, chuckling under his breath.

 

“C'mon Clyde, it's no different than Bebe.” Said Craig deviously, earning a hard glare from his best friend as he suffered under Valentino’s gaze. Craig only chuckled, sitting back as the stripper did his work, grinding into Clyde and teasing him as if he was a horny bachelorette and not just a scared straight man. From the way the man was acting, it seemed like even he was in on the joke, eyeing Craig every now and then and smirking smoothly as he run his hands tauntingly down Clyde’s chest.

 

Actually, Valentino was casting so many looks Craig’s way, it seemed like after a while that the stripper was trying to convey his own message as he used Clyde as a chair. Craig only watched on quietly with the world’s best poker face, but he knew he was growing hard from the way that Valentino was eye-fucking him. Craig was in no way a straight man, but he wasn’t out and proud like Tweek was. Some would say he was causally gay, someone to never bring attention to himself. Craig allowed himself to get aroused by the blonde’s seductive gaze, smirking slowly while his friends were easily forgotten, his own green eyes locking with Valentino’s blue, something that struck Craig with familiarity, as if he had looked into those eyes before, once upon a time.

 

Craig wanted to ask this man for his real name, because in no way he was named Valentino. It was a blatant stage name, but the music was too loud to warrant conversation. They continued to exchange flirtatious glances until Valentino had finished his lap dance with Clyde, leaving the straight man feeling broken and dirty, actually trying his hardest not to cry over this entire thing. However, instead of leaving, Valentino stepped over to Craig’s chair and lowered himself on Craig’s lap, grinding into his erection that the blonde knew he had. He leaned into Craig’s ear, licking the shell, “How about a private show?”

 

The voice was familiar to Craig, very familiar, he couldn’t put his finger on just why it was familiar, but he decided not to question it for now. “I paid for my friend all night, not for me.” He said in his husky monotone.

 

Valentino winked playfully at him, “On the house, Craig.” He said his name teasingly, like it was a secret. Craig’s heart suddenly threatened to hammer into his chest, knowing that voice now. How that voice liked to lick at the vowels of his name. That voice only belonged to one person, and he stared at Valentino in a mixture of shock and awe.

 

“McCormick.”

 

The two stared at each other for a moment, Valentino—no—Kenny silently challenging Craig until getting off of his lap to allow Craig to stand, grinning sinfully as he led Craig into another room, a more private room filled with cushioned seats.

 

“So this is where you ran off to.” Craig said when he sat down for Kenny. The blonde only chuckled and began his lap dance, swaying his hips from side to side dangerously close to Craig.

 

“Gotta pay for Karen’s college somehow, you’d be amazed how much I earn every night.” He replied, straddling Craig’s hips as he closed in to gyrate against his lap, knowing Craig’s erection was present. “Hey…” Kenny stopped quickly, putting his hands on Craig’s shoulders and leaning to whisper into his ear, “Company policy states that you can’t touch me….but…I can certainly touch you…” He ran his right hand down Craig’s chest, going for the clothed erection between Kenny’s legs. “How about I get you off, you look so strained.”

 

Craig was trying to keep it together, actually. Kenny’s voice was like velvet in his ears and the way he just shamelessly tempt him like an actual demon was so fucking hot. It was reminiscent of his days in school when Kenny was a known cocktease, and even he wasn’t immune to Kenny’s advances. They never went anywhere, because Kenny got off on the anticipation. It was like tonight was a cumulation of desires that were sparked way back in high school before he disappeared right after graduation. Craig wasn’t going to deny that he was interested, mostly because he still had wet dreams about the blonde.

 

Craig didn’t need to answer, the look in his eyes were enough for Kenny and the blonde only grinned slyly like a fox. Though while his hand neared the belt of Craig’s pants it darted away just as fast, because Kenny was Kenny and he was going to make Craig fucking beg for it. Kenny wagged a finger at Craig with a daring glint in his eye, rocking his hips closer to his client and turning around to rock his ass against Craig’s strained cock. Craig couldn’t see Kenny’s face but he knew the fucker was still grinning, getting off on the fact that Craig couldn’t touch him and that meant Kenny had all the control in this encounter. Craig tried his best to hold back the groan, but Kenny was able to hear the strangled noise and chuckled, turning back around to face Craig and finally kneeling down to spread Craig’s legs apart.

 

“Now say what you want.” Kenny sing-songed, smiling at him now. Craig wanted to slam his lips into that fucking smile, it was as evil as the blonde who owned it.

 

Craig kept quiet for one moment, watching Kenny keep his eyes on him, blue for green. This was a battle of wills that couldn’t be won. Craig’s dick was begging him to give in so it could see release.

 

“I want your mouth on my dick.” He said in frustration, glaring at Kenny now because he knew that wasn’t the end of it.

 

“My mouth on your dick….but what do you want my mouth to do on your dick?” Kenny asked teasingly.

 

Craig’s hands tightened into fists, but they stayed at his sides. “I want you to give me a blowjob.” He had to say the exact words, because Kenny was like one of those fucking djinns that could twist a vague response for his own amusement.

 

Kenny batted his eyes then, and Craig finally noticed the glitter that was painted to his eyelids. Of course, Kenny was a fucking stripper. There’s always glitter on strippers. “Say please.” Kenny said sweetly, enjoying this too much.

 

Craig scowled at him, “Do you want to fucking do this or not?” He almost shouted. This was just like highschool all over again.

 

Kenny knew Craig was reaching his breaking point but he didn’t care, because Craig Tucker when he was angry was a pretty sight to see. The normally bored look on the Peruvian’s face replaced with a passionate fire sent chills down his spine that reached his own cock. Kenny met Craig’s reply with a genuine laugh, a soft one that seemed to hit Craig in a certain way that Kenny obviously noticed. The blonde reached over to take a hold of Craig’s belt and began working on releasing the Kraken.

 

When Craig finally felt the straining restraints of his pants and boxers give way he could see the hunger in Kenny’s eyes. It was the first time the blonde laid his eyes upon Craig’s dick. He wasn’t exactly huge, but he wasn’t underwhelming. He was slightly above average. His dick was standing at attention for Kenny to gaze in the wonder, until soft hands reached out to experimentally squeeze and stroke him. Craig couldn’t do anything, not at this point. He was still a client and Kenny had all the power. He could only groan and try not to lose it so close into the session. Kenny’s hands were surprisingly soft for a man who lived his life roughly, he didn’t expect how good those hands would feel, like a magic touch that could do just about anything to his cock as they explored the length of his dick and a thumb flicked over the head.

 

Kenny seemed focused on Craig now, finally leaning in to get a taste of Craig’s flesh. He licked along the tip of Craig’s cock experimentally, soon removing a hand so he could guide that tongue along the length. Craig shuddered at the feeling of Kenny’s tongue on his dick, and he felt himself twitch against Kenny’s wet mouth when he finally took Craig in. Kenny was taking his time, which was wild. For a guy who loved to fucking tease he knew just exactly how to prolong a blowjob and bring a guy close to the edge before stopping. Kenny’s mouth was magic in that aspect, the way it sucked Craig’s dick slowly and lapped up the precum when it arrived. Craig found out that there was a wall behind his head when he finally let it drop back, wincing when he heard a ‘thump’ but still groaning.

 

The biggest urge Craig had was to place his hands in Kenny’s hair and fuck the blonde’s mouth, but that would only ruin the moment. Though, he wouldn’t have to, feeling Kenny take him in further. Craig cursed under his breath, of course Kenny wouldn’t have a gag reflex. He was made to suck a cock. His mouth felt perfect on his own, and somewhere in his head he wished that this could be something more than a one-time deal. Because it was a one-time deal. Craig still lived in South Park, and Kenny lived here in LA. There wasn’t going to be anything else after that.

 

His disappointment was wiped away with the pressure that was threatening his balls, and no amount of holding back could keep him from shouting when he finally came. His eyes widened in dead shock when Kenny took the load into his mouth and easily swallowed it like it was his evening meal, the blonde licking his lips seductively like he was still putting on a show. Craig suddenly remembered that he had to breathe and took a deep breath, his orgasm high dwindling down slowly.

 

It was the best blowjob in his life.

 

“So, Clyde’s getting married, huh?” Kenny questioned then, as if he wasn’t swallowing Craig’s semen just a second before.

 

Craig managed to tuck himself back into his pants, breathing raggedly, “To Bebe, believe it or not.”

 

Kenny laughed again, “Those two broke up and got back together more than Stan and Wendy, and they’re getting hitched?”

 

“Bebe’s pregnant.” Craig shrugged after that, “Clyde finally realized he wants to be a father.”

 

Kenny was still grinning, nostalgia hitting him from behind when it came to his childhood friends. “The wedding’s in South Park, isn’t it?”

 

“No other place, McCormick.” Craig sighed, “I’m still looking for a date to the wedding.”

 

Kenny paused suddenly, looking at Craig with a veiled emotion. “I’d assume you’d be going with Tweek.”

 

“Tweek has a boyfriend.” Craig answered quickly, a little too quickly for his liking. “Leslie or something, I don’t remember.” He finally stood up after Kenny did, finally starting to feel awkward now. Getting a blowjob from Kenny was one thing, but being personal with him made his stomach twist strangely. “You would know if you stayed.” He said after that, casually looking away from Kenny’s clear blue eyes.

 

Kenny nodded slowly, deciding to skip that subject. “Hey, when’s the wedding?”

 

Craig’s stomach wasn’t quitting, and he had to avoid Kenny’s stare. “This weekend.” He mumbled, finally stepping away, “I need to get back to the guys. Clyde’s probably still crying.” He smirked amusedly at that, finally looking at Kenny. “Thanks for going along with my plan.”

 

Kenny winked playfully at Craig before he turned away, “I love making straight men cry. Have fun.”

 

Craig was sure Kenny was avoiding him for the entire night after he left the back room.

* * *

 

Craig hated weddings.

 

They had to be so _perfect_ and they had to be so _clean_. He was forced to become someone he was not, and that was a good friend and a great best man. All for Bebe’s sake, because she wanted the day to be special.

 

He couldn’t even comment that Bebe wearing a white wedding dress was like pissing in Jesus’s face.

 

He didn’t manage to get himself a date, but it was okay. No one noticed, and apparently it was expected of him at this point. Craig was never with anyone else, not after he and Tweek broke up in middle school. Somewhere in the back of his head, he thought about Kenny again. It had been happening a lot lately, ever since the encounter. He was weirded out by it, because Kenny and him weren’t even _close_.

 

So Craig stood at the altar with Clyde, listening to Father Mackey go through the marriage vows. The church was packed, with Bebe’s family and friends, Wendy, Red, Heidi, the whole group of girls. Clyde’s side was his father, sister, Tweek, Jimmy, Token, Stan, Kyle, even Cartman. Marjorine sat with Cartman, holding the stockier one’s hand like how Kyle was holding Stans and trying not to cry.

 

The only one missing was the only one that mattered.

 

“If anyone here would like to object to this marriage, please speak now or forever hold their peace.” Father Mackey announced.

 

“STOP!” A voice thundered from the back as the double doors burst open, exposing a blonde man in a black tuxedo and an equally black mask over his eyes.

 

Craig froze on the spot at the sight of Kenny storming in and hurrying down the aisle. If he had a drink in his mouth, he would be spitting it out by now.

 

Clyde seemed to freeze as well, recognizing Kenny but not as Kenny, as Valentino from the strip club. “Wha--”

 

“I’m madly in love with this man!” Kenny said aloud, stepping up to Clyde, who immediately went white as a sheet at the words. Bebe was stone, glaring at Kenny and also shocked at the admission. “That night we shared something special, Clyde Donovan. I fell in love with you after that one lapdance. I want you to marry me, not Bebe!” Kenny continued, dropping on his knee before the brunette.

 

“What’s going on?” Tweek cried out.

 

“I’d like to know that as well.” Bebe said warningly, narrowing her eyes at Clyde.

 

“Babe--no, it was a joke. Craig took me to a gay strip club--” Clyde was stumbling over his words, panicked.

 

Craig was still unmoving, but Kenny caught his eye suddenly, and Craig could see a glint of mischief. Everything clicked suddenly, and he clasped his hands over his mouth, holding in a loud laugh.

 

“I’m not gay, babe, please believe me! I love boobs, I love your boobs! I don’t even like dicks in my face!” Clyde continued.

 

“Stop talking dude!” Token hissed out.

 

Kenny stood back up, smiling deviously. “Actually, I’m here for him.” He pointed right at Craig, who was trying not to collapse to the floor in a shaking fit. Kenny blew a kiss at Clyde then, stepping over to Craig to hook his arm around the other’s waist.

 

Everyone’s eyes were on both of them, Craig specifically. He couldn’t take it anymore, breaking out into guffaws and breaking his entire character. This was so much better than the prank he pulled on Clyde during the bachelor party. He leaned against Kenny, ignoring the judgemental looks and Bebe’s anger.

 

“I think I love you.” Craig said breathlessly between laughs.

 

Kenny grinned, “I always aim to please, babe.”

 

 

END.


End file.
